It’s amazing what you have to do to get home nowadays. As I write this it is one o’clock in the morning on a Friday and I’m sitting in a taxi going from Chicago’s O’Hare airport to Milwaukee’s General Mitchell airport. I’m sitting in my undershirt because the taxi driver’s heater is broken and cannot be turned down from its hottest temperature. Even when he turns it to the coldest setting, it’s as hot as blazes. The blower is also broken and stuck at its highest setting. It must have something to do with the fact that his “engine service light” keeps blinking. Even with the windows partially down it is like an oven in here. Imagine sitting in the Sahara with a hot wind blowing. This is only one of many of our problems. It’s raining cats and dogs and his windshield wipers periodically stop. This means he also has to periodically stop, pull over, get out of the cab and bang on the wipers until they start working again.
Tapping away on my keyboard I occasionally look over the top of my laptop at an elephant with like twelve arms that is sitting on the dashboard. Beyond is the rain-soaked highway and the glare of headlights and neon. The driver’s fuel gauge empty light has been on for the past twenty minutes and he doesn’t seem to care. Neither do I at this point. He is going about 30 mph slower than I usually drive on this highway and it’s annoyingly unfamiliar. Just as well though because if he were driving any faster we would probably skid off the highway. I think that this would not be such a bad thing as I’m sure the tow truck driver would have a working vehicle that we could all feel safe riding in. I am so exhausted right now that you could tell me that my feet were on fire and I wouldn’t have enough energy to stamp them out. Getting to the airport in Milwaukee is bittersweet. I still have to get home. How did I end up like this?
Next installment: The Nonexistent Flight Crew or Is it Really Necessary to Have a Pilot’s License to Fly This Plane?
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